ugh

"Have you ever been kissed by God? Passionately (tongue, lips, etc.)? Or are you one who simply condemns God to the realm of the invisible? When do you feel most comfortable? When do you feel most loved? Perhaps it is in the warm embrace of your lover or in the assuring touch of your mother. Perhaps, like me, you have likened this person to God in your life and realized that God was loving you through them. Or maybe you don’t believe in God. Cool. Here’s a simpler question: Have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? I mean pure psychedelic inebriation. Not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you became aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you. Licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again—the first kiss of the rest of your life. A kiss that confirms that the universe is aligned, that the world’s greatest resource is love, and maybe even that God is a woman. With or without a belief in God, all kisses are metaphors decipherable by allocations of time, circumstance, and understanding. - Saul Williams. Introduction to “said the shot gun to the head."

— Saul Williams

sometimes, i get all this really weird unorthodox ideas. even though i know it's meant to be that way, or at least i'm taught by 'adept' adults around me, i really really feel that there are rules that need to be broken. i'm not going to state which or what because i am not brave enough to do that and undergo the consequences it carries. i'm just saying. i mean, this whole time, i type in all this stuff onto my blog (and unseeingly, i may or may not know you), i wonder if anyone ever agrees with me. it would be nice to know that somebody out there share the same opinions as me. it feels accepted. i see the stats, some people from germany (hopefully) read my blog. can you tell these emotions i have? do i need to use better vocabularies so that it would be more...precise? i dont think i' can share all my thoughts to the closest people i know. like they say, your enemies may be proximately under your nose. and let say i do share it with my friends. my school mates. will they get it? i'm not declaring that they are shallow, superficial. but—


i reckon my brain's gonna explode. what if i never wake up tomorrow (chances are exceedingly low. ha. ha. )....god, i'm sick of people thinking i'm eccentric, in a bad way.